On self-worth and self-confidence December 31, 2008
Posted by stshores24 in Musings.trackback
I’ve been thinking a great deal about self-worth and self-confidence. The perception of one’s worth and value is extremely important to the human soul. We have to feel that we are worthy of love, that we are valuable, and that we are loved. I mentioned a little but about this in a previous post, but I wanted to touch on it again.
Lately I have been working on my concept of self-worth. As I mentioned before, someone unexpectedly cut themselves off from me, giving no reason as to why, and completely ignored any emails or messages I sent in an attempt towards reconciliation. The immediate question that came to me was, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ On and on it typically goes: “if I had only done this, if I had said this better, he would still like me”, thoughts like that. The problem with this is, this is backwards thinking.
Instead of saying, “what’s wrong with me?” the first thought that should come in to my head is, “what’s wrong with him?” It’s true that we need to be peacemakers, as far as it’s up to us (like Jesus said), but what do you do with people who don’t want to make peace? What if they cut you off?
You just let them go.
Just let them go their miserable way, and determine that you are going to make other friends, and treasure your existing friends and family more. Just because they left you doesn’t mean that others will.
And it definitely doesn’t mean that God will.
What does God say about this? He says that He will never leave or forsake us. He has our names written on His hand, and He broods over us like a mother hen looking after her chicks. He is always with me, even into ‘the shadow of death’.
We can have a sense of self-worth because God values us. He decided that before we were even born, before the universe was even created, that He was going to win us back. He knew that generations before we were born, our father and mother Adam and Eve would sin and separate mankind from God. And he had a plan to bring us back. Before we loved Him, before we even knew God existed, He already had a plan to draw us to him, to forgive anything we’ve done wrong, and to start a loving relationship with us–a true relationship that will last forever.
Knowing that we have worth to God, we can learn to let go of the opinions of others. “You don’t like me? Well, I’m sorry if I did anything to offend you, and I’d like to still be friends, but if we can’t be friends, then I have a friend that will never leave me. If you don’t value me, it doesn’t matter–God always values me, not matter what I do, and I will be OK without you.”
edit: I didn’t want to imply that I’m ‘all there’ yet. I’m still working on it, just like you, the reader, most likely are! I hope this helps.
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For someone who doesn’t share the same view-point on religion, can you have self-worth and self-value without “God” in it? I was raised in the Christian faith and I find that in my adult and non-anxious** state of mind, I do not believe most of the teachings of the faith (another topic for another discussion).
What you wrote about the letting go of the friends thing really touched me. I think part of the reason I’ve been having such a hard time with the loss or deterioration of my friendship with one person is that I don’t have enough self-worth to say “what’s wrong with him”. I beat myself up instead. I needed to read that. Thank you for updating.
**I have to distinguish between my anxious mind and my non-anxious mind because I know that my anxiety clouds many of my perceptions.
I assume you can; I just haven’t tried. :)
Glad it helped! Yes, I’ve been through so much anxiety, depression, and other junk like that, I want to do anything I can do to help (or keep) others out of it.
A lot of people can’t distinguish between states. I couldn’t for a long time, but am learning to detect when my emotions are too low to make a wise decision. A lot of things can just be delayed until one has had a good night’s rest, a good meal, or some other pleasant experience to get things balanced out again.
Thanks for the comment!
Your article on self-worth and self-confidence was pertinent and real. We all need to recognize that not everyone will like us, and those who do, won’t like us all the time! As long as we are kind and respectful to others, then we can feel peace in our decision to let a friendship go. Sometimes, whether we know it or not, it is for the best, and an even better relationship is waiting right around the corner!
Thanks for sharing. I feel a lot better now. I’m actually into the same situation. Someone I considered a friend cut me and the others off for a reason that we don’t know. I felt guilty for days but I can’t just dwell on this negative feeling, coz it affected my idea of self-worth.
Happy New Year to you and your family!
Thanks, Karen. Yes, I find that, like you said, when one friendship ends, another one is about to begin. Amazing how these things work out.
Shiera: Glad I could help! Isn’t that the worst feeling? I have to force myself to focus on better things. It’s like re-training my emotions and mind, I guess!
Bravo! I love this post!
Hi
I went through a similar thing myself, a few days ago. It took a GREAT deal of thought before I finally came to the same conclusion. It’s totally human nature (for most people at least) to blame ourselves first for these happenings, when there’s really no reason to.
I am not religious, but I agree with your thoughts on the value of self-worth completely.
I was reading your other post about mixi, the Japanese networking site. I am currently living in Japan and learning Japanese, and it seems like an ideal opportunity to practice my written Japanese and reading. Do you think you could send me an invite?
Thanks!
P.S. I have a Japanese Kaitai, so registration isn’t a problem.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Matt. I just sent the Mixi invite.